scribbled thoughts

2009-11-16T21:23:00.000-08:00

2009-11-15T00:58:00.000-08:00

The Masquerade

Flow

Amidst illusions of grandeur

Drift

Intoxicated with elegance

Faces, hidden

Laughter, feigned

Deceitfully poised

Exude perfection

But yet,

When the requiem ends

And the masks are asunder,

shattered to pieces,

underneath lies yet another.

2009-11-13T19:07:00.000-08:00

a nothingness so vast and incomprehensible

we always speak of death being a natural thing in itself, however inevitably fear will penetrate our hearts upon it's mention. (well, except for necrophilic people. not so much fear, rather libido) anyway, death somehow puts our minds in a weird place, filling our noggin' with all kinds of morbid images. yes, this does induce a rather scary possible premonition of our deaths, but i believe most fear death not so much that ours will be a painful one, but rather we fear the empty, gaping nothingness that awaits on the other side. the direct opposite of existence. when we die, it's like the blowing out of a candle. no one really notices, nothing big really happens. while my religion pushes me to touch on heaven, thinking of it from another perspective really seems quite scary. how can we be reduced to a pathetic state of non-existence, after all we've done? after all we've been through. is this life really all for naught? that once everything is said and done, Fate snuffs your candle with the slightest breath. then you become nothing. no thought, no feeling, no existence. nothingness. the fact that we revel in our own existence while we are alive, proves to produce a greater fear of when our existence is suddenly taken away. but the fact that, one day existence will be taken, whether it accidentally slips your fingers, or even if death pries it away from your rigor mortis. how will you face this nothingness?

2009-07-23T07:25:00.000-07:00

hm. there's something wrong with blogger. posting is hell of a beeotch.

okay, so, today's post. during lit class, amidst the nasty comments joshua made about the bands of today, i thought of something. (again) something about the prospect of continuity.

actually, 'prospect of continuity' was something i thought up for fun. i mean, we all are interested by this. the prospect of living forever, saying "gosh, i can do this forever." but of course, we don't. there's always this aspect of boredom. my guess is that maybe boredom was a typical human reaction. i mean, everything is not permanent(infinitely continuous), so boredom is something the human mind came up with just in case we got too close to something. in view of the temporality of life we have actually adapted to grow bored of something, to no longer desire or yearn for an object perhaps for a fundamentally basic removal of affection to brace us for the loss or destruction of a certain object. though there are things that seem to last forever, like happiness and overarching themes like love, but then again these aren't objects per se, but rather, a sort of human feeling, a human reaction by itself. i believe human reactions are unable to cancel each other out, after all, they are of the same source.

it's less interesting than other arguments, but still. it's disturbing to note.

gawd i have quite a lot to say. shall post again.

heh. life goes on.

2009-07-16T08:10:00.000-07:00

your life is an occasion.

rise up to it.

-Mr Magorium.

2009-07-16T07:27:00.000-07:00

and look at the clouds.

i mean just look. anytime you look at the sky it's an artpiece.

ah well, i've been thinking maybe life isn't that unhappy or dull. maybe i'll take a road trip. heh.

anyway, i've met someone today. we had been the best of friends in primary school, him being the spastic funny guy, me being me. so he would get the attention, i wouldn't mind. i liked standing by the sidelines, preferring to be a part of the audience, rather than the performer. well, maybe for one, you don't goof you image off. (what's left of it, anyway.) so he was the enthusiastic monitor-to-be, i was the guy in the background. no quirks, no anomalies. we liked the way we were. then we went to sec school. he went to someone better than where i was going, and i was fine with that. until i met him today. i look back at all he has achieved. then i look at me. sure, i like the way i am, sure i like keeping a low profile, but he's living the life he wanted. then it dawned on me, maybe i could've been him. maybe i could've been the popular guy, maybe i could've been the super popular spastic guy with no social awareness. what could've been. so many chances, so many oppurtunities, and then, there were none.

crossing the overhead bridge coming back home, i realised something. that society really is something like a hive. yeah, come to think of it, your whole personality is based on society. how you look, how you dress, how you work, play, eat, sleep. i mean, you look good probably to get a mate(to put it really fundamentally), which benefits society when we procreate. you study, to benefit society, to make the 'world a better place'. you eat, sleep, play work all for this humongous hive. you do not go out of place. you don't murder, kill, rob, steal, rape, slaughter or torture not because you don't want to, but because you've been taught not to. everyone, no matter how distant, has a little piece of this human collective thought in him/her. even the gender thing is superimosed by society. but that's not the point. point is, you might not realise, but your identity and personality may not be yours. hm, say we talk about language. language is a tool of communication defined by society. 'i feel sad.' take this simple sentence. the very fact that you communicate using these very words, show that the idea itself is anonymous. just as how we are unable to fully express our ideas or feelings because language acts as a sort of template. 'there is a word for everything.' they say, but i beg to differ. there is a word for everything you know. get it?

heh, in any case, just remember, you're unique,
just like everyone else.

yeah. was wondering whether i was the only one who thought about this. apparently some french philosopher beat me to it a few hundred years ago. ah well, now i know i'm not. because now you do too. ponder away.
life goes on.

2009-07-05T08:05:00.000-07:00

"the infinite possibilities inherently granted to the mind that thinks freely,
but also the insinuation of ideas that potential greatness rises
not so much from an affection or even fondness for a fellow man,
but rather a disdain, for it is a disgusted, not enamored individual,
who rises from the aforementioned masses to better the world.

Freed and discovered be can individual this hope only can we."

--the Anomalies.

2009-07-01T02:16:00.000-07:00

Hero

"Oh God, shut up. You shouldn't have fckin left us. Now i'm stuck with your goddamn child in this rotting apartment while you wake up every morning with a new bitch from the street." She shouted.

"Shut up, shut up. no more excuses, asshole. I never want to see you again. I'm going to raise this child on my own, while you waste your life on cheap prostitutes." She hung up. She was so tired, so, so tired. Being barely 18, she thought he was the one. He had promised her so, so much. She trusted him so, so much. She had not once doubted him. Not when he promised to marry her, not when he took her hand and brought her to this apartment. The quaint apartment was really kind of sweet, with a pastel beige wallpaper, slightly cosy bedrooms and it was always lit by a warm rosy glow by the dying sun of the evening. She always had thought of it as a sweet escape from the alleyways that lay just 3 floors down. She tried not to look out of the window whenever she heard gunfire or shrill voices pleading for help. She still thought ignorance was bliss. She just looked away, and cooed her young baby son to sleep. He would come back from his day job slightly reeking of fresh printed paper and his fading cologne and kiss her on the cheek.

"Let's get married," he chuckled.

"Mm, i'd like that," she murmured. And so it was. They were to be married.

But then, one day, he came back with a slightly different smell. No, this wasn't paperwork, nor his usual cologne. No, this was the seductive fragrance of another woman. She tried to ignore it. "No," she thought "i'm just overreacting. He wouldn't..."

But unfortunately, he would. and did. One day, she recieved a phone call. He said he wouldn't be coming back. Ever. He found 'someone else'. Turns out, things 'weren't working out' between them. As she struggled to choke back her tears, she just listened to what he said in stunned silence. "No, no no no no..." she faintly whispered, "you can't just do this to me, not now, not today."

"I'm sorry, but I don't think things will work out. Take care of our son..." and he hung up.

But she did not stop. She pressed the reciever so hard that her ears started to hurt. She whispered, "No... today's our wedding day..." But these words were forever purged by the indescribable pain and drowned in her tears. She did not sleep that night. She cried like she never did before. And from then on, she knew she was on her own.

Her son found her in a foetal position on the family couch. She was still crying. The couch pillows soaked with her salty sadness. Her son climbed up the sofa, in his little, clumsy way. He struggled a little, but managed to curl up beside her. He held in his hand, his little bedtime story book.

She remembered she had carefully read those words which were typed in large fonts, the pages embroidered with soft pictures. She had come to the end, "and Morty was a hero." she articulated, slowly. He had looked up from his little bed, and asked, "Mommy, what's a hero?"

"A hero is someone who saves someone. Who makes all their pain and suffering go away. A hero will save the one he loves a lot, because he knows that that person is worth saving."

And now, her son sobbed quietly beside her. She felt his little ribcage slightly contracting with every sob, the couch cushions absorbed his tiny tears, and she held him close. Then, her son looked up to her, tears in his small eyes. and said,

"Mommy,

can i be your hero?"

2009-06-19T06:45:00.000-07:00

So she said, "What's the problem baby?"

What's the problem I don't know

Well maybe

I'm in love,

think about it every timeI think about it,

can't stop thinking 'bout it

-Accidentally in Love, Counting Crows

today is the best day of my life.

life goes on.

2009-06-16T07:21:00.000-07:00

i've been thinking.

maybe my life isn't that bad after all.

maybe i should stop hanging my head in disappointment and rejection.

but instead

look up to the skies.

and you know what?

it's not that bad.

2009-06-16T07:09:00.000-07:00

say, you are asleep.

and you're having the dream of your life, the best dream you have ever had. there's no pain. there's no sorrow. only ecstatic joy.

the real world no longer matters, there is no worry. nothing keeping you from the pure joy you experience. that means complete freedom. and yet you know it's a dream. you know you're in your bed, but you feel such joy, nothing matters anymore.

would you wake up?

2009-05-29T07:07:00.000-07:00

the endless volupture

an ignorance of pure orgasmic bliss.

2009-05-26T07:22:00.000-07:00

who i am. who i'm not and who i want to be.

you know, sometimes, what's good for you, isn't. i've taken to art classes recently, and have been facing really strong objections. parents and all. they say it isn't practical. they say it's a distant dream. they say it's a phase that i'll grow out of. they say this art thing is just something gone wrong. why not get a good job by studying hard? like a lawyer, or businessman? i've thought about this before too. i could excel in studies, get a phD, and get a high paying job that i hate. start a family and live off my fortune. f*ck that. sod it all. this petty little misconception of a seemingly perfect future etches itself in our minds ever so frequently. but, with all that money, living a life you hate, would that make you truly happy?

we know we're all destined for greatness. or somehow we think we know.

but how often do we realise that greatness itself does not come from living the day as it is. but instead greatness does not just find you. a life which you probably will hate is not a life worth living.

you know, i had an interesting conversation with my brother a few weeks ago.

"eh kor, i like my life now."

"huh?"

"like after school, always go out with friends, laughing and all. i love it"

"know what? i'd hate to live like that."

seriously. not that i hate friends or anything, but in my mind, the perfect life i would live would be secluded from everything else. imagine endless green fields and lying there all day just thinking about life. god, that is what i need right now. i wanna lie on a sunset beach with nothing but the waves serenading me while i drift off into an endless paradise. then i will roam free. people often tell us to persue happiness. but who on earth can truly say "i've lived a happy life"?

not that i'm complaining. but lamenting would seem to be a more ideal replacement.

but then, back to normal life, cross country is tomorrow.

i mean, honestly,

who gives a fck?

yea. sod life and all its wonders.

long live life my ass.

lifesodding goes on.

2009-05-13T03:44:00.000-07:00

tu entends la musique?

gawd. sod this. sod the mundane. i mean, i want to live. skydive one day, scuba dive the next. i want to live. ever watched the shit churn when you flush your toilet bowl? yeah. that pretty much feels like watching my like. heh. shit churn. what am i thinking. but then there are the people who really keep you watching the shit. there are people that really love you for who you are, who really care for you. they are the interesting bits of poo poo. the rest is ordinary, mundane, (sometimes) shitty, shit.

note to self: last para left bad taste in mouth. will not say shit too many times in future. and i'm glad that i'm lining down the depressing "Hamamatsu Disappointment". kinda sounds like some disaster like Bloody Sunday, or World War II, or Physics Lessons with 3impasto's favourite co-form. strange, but come to think of it, during history, i didn't so much as even wince when we were told about World War, or the jap occ. seriously. something is wrong with me. i should be wincing. it's human to wince when someone else goes through torture. isn't it? i'm not that sure. humanity can't be defined in that little moment of pity, or sometimes empathy. but the pokerface maybe shows how we treat life today. y'know, a few years ago, i still could see children swinging around and making a total fool of themselves in public. i haven't seen one in 5 months. maybe we are losing emotion. maybe humanity is burying true feelings under a thick facade of personalities we want people to see. gah. but we don't care, do we? we don't care. we don't give a crap to whether we are losing emotions or not. know why?

because it's cool.

oh. and i was like, harassed. was swimming yesterday. then went to the changing room to change. (a-duh) then this guy (really old, balding guy.) was like. checking me out. i kid you not, it is seriously freaky. gawd, it was inappropriate and yet strangely flattering at the same time. i mean, you know why it's inappropriate. (see a counseller if you don't) but it's kinda... weird in a flattering way? i mean.

at least. i know people check me out, right? and it was a guy. ugh. wait. okay. maybe not THAT flattering. wait. i take that back. it was weird. not flattering. weird.

shit. dinner's getting cold on the table. and i can hear my bro snoring away on the sofa. he was watching an action movie. who the *beep* falls asleep during a friggin action movie?!

i think. i'm going to get a haircut. so. to compensate for the absence of yesterday's post. i shall talk about haircuts. i mean. haircuts are a big deal. its the thing that frames your face. its like. on the top of your friggin head. at least if you have like, chest hair, you can hide it in a shirt or something. but how do you hide a bad haircut? you don't. you style it, then say "it's the new thing". yeah. do that, and risk being an idiot. but influencial people do it too. how do you think the beehive thing got so famous in the past? but we all want a good haircut. i mean. like posh beckham. coll bob. i remember everyone started imitating her. i admit. that bob is pretty cool. but then she got a haircut. behold. there's also the good. and the i-stuck-my-head-in-the-hairdryer. heidi klum, that was. hair DOES make a difference. take for instance, a guy now. chad michael murray. on one tree hill. (courtesy of gofugyourself.com) anyway. chad michael once had long hair. yea. and a haystack. and a gay partner. kidding. he's straight. haha. but the point is. haircuts are important. now, i'm going to get mine. i REALLY REALLY hope my barber gets it right. oh God please.

pre-haircut.
life goes on.

2009-05-11T07:57:00.000-07:00

c'est la vie.

guess what? they cancelled the exchange programme to hamamatsu.

the 60+ days of waiting. and the countless sleepless nights of excitement and rehearsals has just been cancelled due to swine flu. no i'm not complaining. i'm. just. saying.

no i'm not sad. i'm. just. suicidal.

the day drags on. the penknife beckons. and my bloodstained wrist is an awaiting reality.

life drags on. someone dies and yet the birds still chirp, the day still brightens and all is well.

someone is battling cancer in a hospital right now and it's interesting to think that there also is an overweight mother of 3 fussing over a chocolate sundae, a teenage lady deciding on which pair of shoes to buy, a classmate of mine playing restaurant city while a couple makes love. what a wonderful world.

despair is a funny feeling.

but then again. one can't stay sad forever.

this time. i really know what it means when i say.

heh.

life goes on.

2009-05-10T06:57:00.000-07:00

se révéler à soi-même

wait a tick...

you mean exams aren't for failing?!

life goes on.

2009-04-26T02:47:00.000-07:00

mmmm.

i did promise a hiatus. but the list still will be posted. it's...the thing that keeps this thing alive.

number of underwear used this week: 10...i think.

number of fantasies: (undisclosed)

number of brothers not sick: 1(yay)

number of american idol contestants eliminated this week: 2(lil and anoop<-whoots. anoop sucks)

number of fat-inducing chocolate donuts: 0. (dad's overseas = no supper = the ultimate chance to lose weight)

number of times thought about getting a haircut: 7

number of haircuts this week: 0

personal discipline rating: 4/10

number of iPods dead: 1(cry with me.)

number of hole-y PE T-shirts: 3

do i really care: not really

amount of bullshit this week: (6.02 x 10^23)(5) [that's five friggin moles of bullshit]

amount of physics work done on thursday (3hourstime): 2 past year papers and 1 assignment.(yes. bow down. i know i'm pro)

number of cool upcoming events: 4 i think..

number of ideas for the impasto design comm: 4 million divide by one million.

number of times i thought about her: 500000000000000000000000000000000000

number of friends who know about my secret one-way affair: 5

when i'm planning to tell her: i KNEW you're gonna highlight this. shoo. undisclosed! >3

number of post it notes used: 5

amount of money saved: -$4

number of ants I killed this week: 7

number of eyes on me in the centre of the ring just like a circus: all. (LOL. it's a joke. go listen to britney spears' Circus. yes. bimbo music is the new metal)

number of boys and girls seeking amy: all. (LOL. another joke. listen to britney spears' If You Seek Amy. bimbo music is the new pop too.)

hit me baby how many more times: one. (i don't even want to say it anymore)

you want: a piece of me. (sheesh. this is getting stupid.heh)

so ends today's list.

and remember: bimbo music is good for you.

life goes on.

2009-04-20T04:58:00.000-07:00

mugging.

hey guys. as you all know, mid years are coming up. yes, the horror. when in rome, do as the romans do, during the exam period, do as the PRCs do. yes. i have turned into a hardcore mugging machine. and though i have many gifts, unfortunately the gift of time management has seemed to elude me. thus, i will not be coming online on messenger, and i will take a hiatus from posting. for fear my academic progress shall be slightly retarded by my procrastination and whatnot. so i will not be blogging for the next two weeks. (make that 3, including the exams) but don't worry. i'm sure this almost-a-month long hiatus shall hopefully give me new inspiration for posting.

but first! an update about today! everyone panicked yesterday coz a very special teacher had given us almost impossible assignments to do. and it was due today. then 3Impasto, frustrated, panicking and on the verge of 36 nervous breakdowns, suddenly heard that special teacher say she hasn't taught it yet, and the assignment deadline is pushed back. i suddenly sensed an almost immediate wave of murderous intent in the class. i'll bet 3Impasto was voo-doo dolling her secretly impaling her with pins as they soaked up every sweet moment of it. or not. ah well. let's just say physics has added flavour to 3Impasto's once boring study life. oh, and the Impasto Design Committee will be up soon, so people interested please tell me. we'll be in charge of everything aesthetic from classroom design (betcha never thought about that) to the class tee (actually, we were thinking of making something besides a tee. ah well. another idea.) yeah.

i thought this week was the self-study week. and came to school a happy boy. until reality hit.

"the self study is next week lah, noobcake." then i suddenly felt like eating a strawberry flavoured paper towel with raisins on it. yeah. this came after the sudden urge to hit something with a tennis racket. i have issues.

so that's pretty much it, guys. the last post till the end of the exams.

until then,

life goes on.

2009-04-19T01:04:00.000-07:00

yay.

heylos.

have just put up a new blogsong! heh. people. i know what you're thinking.

"Oh f*ck. this sodding song is disrupting my reading of this highly interesting yet entirely retarded blog."

yeah, i hate blogsongs too. but two reasons i put the song up.

one: it sounds decent enough to enter your eardrums.

two: it's my blog. nanny nanny poo poo.

yep. but seriously. if you all find the song irritating/retarded/stupid/idiotic/disruptive/(anything else used to describe me)-ish, then tell me. hopefully if most people hate the blogsong, i'll take it down. either that, or i torture your eardrums. ah well. oh, and i'd like to thank those people who say "maybe you should take the song down" in advance. yeah. thanks for all the brain cells you kill for me when i argue with myself whether or not to keep the blogsong up. anyway. every week i'll try to come up with a list of stuff i have/did/am doing/done/have been doing. yep.

here's this week's list:

number of f*cking large zits: 1

number of post-its used: 34

number of stained T-shirts: 3

number of brothers sick: 1

number of teachers i hope to kill: 1

hours of sleep this week: 40

number of guilt-inducing chocolate donuts ate this week: 3

number of times i thought about her: 5000

number of fantasies this week: (undisclosed)

number of doodles drawn this week: a dismal 4

number of innocent rabbits killed: 0 (whha? rabbits?!)

amount of money splurged: (refuses to remind self)

amount of weight lost/gained: -1kg

number of corny jokes thought up: 6

number of men needed to screw a lightbulb: one. men will screw anything.

number of bureaucrats needed to screw a lightbulb: two. one to screw it in, the other to screw it up.

number of corny jokes thougt up: 8 (updated)

heh.

life goes on.

2009-04-19T00:11:00.000-07:00

i'm sick.

eating fast food all day.

watching movies twice a week.

craving the latest video game.

despising my pathetic wardrobe.

i listen to my ipod more than my parents.

i communicate with friends often without looking at their faces.

reading comics more than textbooks.

complaining about the food.

and guess what.

you're stuck with it too.

hm?

stuck with what? i'm just going to the mall.

affluenza.

God save us all.

2009-04-16T06:37:00.000-07:00

what.

ah well. seating plan has been changed.

she's impossibly out of reach, i'm sodding dismal, and my burger is still half its size than on the ad.

had jap class today. was really fun.

sensei walked with us, treated us to bubble tea, and i think famous amos cookies are cool. dad just came back from work. got me and bro some famous amos chewies. ooh. munchmunch. hm? what? what fat? oh crap. and dad's snacking again. waffles, this time. oh bother. haha.

me: dad!

dad: MMMMPHRGH?

me: it's got butter smeared all over it.

dad: i'm hungry lahh. *tries to hide the waffle*

me: haha. okay. but just this once. thanks for the cookies.

dad (half guzzle mode): MMMMPHHHHORRRGHHHEEYY. DON'T MMMPHHRSHION PPHHT. (translation: okay, don't mention it.) *smiles. teeth smeared with waffle*

ooh. and i found a really good song. lily allen. really good lyrics. apparently, she's the only one who gets the whole "fame" thing.

The Fear - Lily Allen

i wanna be rich an i want lots of money, i don't care about clever, i don't care about funny. i want lots of clothes and fuck loads of diamonds i heard people die when they're trying to find them. And i'll take my clothes off, and i won't be shameless, coz everyone knows that's how you get famous. i look at the sun, and i look in the mirror, i'm on the right track, yeah i'm onto a winner.

i don't know what's right and what's real anymore, i don't know how i'm meant to feel anymore. when you think it would all become clear, coz i've been taken over by the fear.

life's about film stars and less about mothers. it's all about fast cars, and crossing each other. but it doesn't matter coz i'm packing plastic, and that's what makes my life so fucking fantastic. and i am a weapon of massive consumption, it's not my fault, it's how i'm programmed to function. i look at the sun, and i look in the mirror, i'm on the right track, yeah i'm onto a winner.

forget about guns, and forget ammunition. coz i'm killing them all, on my own little mission. i'm not a saint, but i'm not a sinner, but everything's cool, as long as i'm getting thinner.

hell yeah. lily allen pwns. check out her other songs. it's all pretty much as satirical as this. cool. people ate it when others like allen slam reality like that. coz it makes them insecure. it shatters their orb of self peace and phony reassurance they get from the media.

think about it.

life goes on.

2009-04-15T06:24:00.000-07:00

smile.

hey friends! (bleurgh. friends?! i sound so politically correct)

anyway, i've just had a chocolate donut, so i'm practically surging with endorphins. just imaagine. me. my endorphins. and my off-the-chart testosterone. perfect.

yeah, well, basically, i'm feeling really happy today. so this post is going to be really really high. :O heh. anyway, on the chocolate donut. why would i be eating a chocolate donut at 9.43pm? lemme give you some background info. dad likes to snack. at night. yes. (don't all dads?) anyway, my dad's not supposed to be eating so much, coz mum said he was getting chubby. yep. so how? i become the culinary patrol! after i do finish like, half my homework questions, i will go out to the dining area under the pretense that i'm thirsty. and what do i see?

me: DAD! you're not supposed to be eating that!!

dad (caught in half guzzle, half swallow mode): MMMMPHHHHHRRGH?!

so i sieze the food. then dad will try to take it back.

dad (half chewed food in mouth): MMMPH, haven't finish yet, cannot waste food!

me (spattered with half of what was in his mouth): cannot eat already lah! *eats whatever food he was eating*

okay. none wasted. dad then goes to the couch to catch some good old HBO. while i get stuck with the guilt of that chocolate donut. I went to the gym today. one hour of physical training. gone. thanks to that chocolate donut. this happens almost every night. except, the food will change every night. tonight, lucky it was a chocolate donut, not some strange stuff that only dad is willing to eat. sigh. it's okay. chubby me better than a chubby dad. hell, i love my family. haha.

oh, and the seating plan for the class changed today. yeah. life slapped me in the fuggin face today. but no emo posts today! i'm just really happy.

failed joke of the day:

why's the shortest girl in class always scratching herself?

coz she's ITCHING! (yeeching. get it?!)

epic fail. scary henchmen hold out cue cards. "LAUGH".

am neglecting GPP to post this. guilt is so eating on me. not. if i were year 1, i would have been rushing the GPP out. too bad i'm year 3. i murdered guilt. hah.

hell.

life goes on.

2009-04-14T07:20:00.000-07:00

damn.

everytime i see her, there's this burning desire to confess, to end all this idiocracy of pretending she's another girl that crosses my way. sigh. it's not time yet. not yet.

ah well. CCA today was fun fun fun. sprained a finger while blocking. ow. ring finger somemore. lucky not middle finger. at least if i can't get married coz of this sprained fourth finger, i can always point the middle one and tell life to go f*ck itself.

damn. got art tomorrow. i mean, it's fun and all. i would do it. if not for the damn pile of homework just waiting for me to touch it. yeah sure, aesthetics is damn fun. yeah sure it's cool. yeah sure i love it. but by getting an A for art or doing a sell-able song for music won't effing reduce the pile of homework compost. it's like, staring at me. the frickin pile is staring at me. i can feel it. mocking me. no i'm not crazy. i just escaped from the asylum. so i'm not crazy. bah.

classes have been cool. yeah. oh, and i'm the only left hander in class. hoho. mr creative.

oh yeah, tingzhen did like, damn retarded stuffs in the chem lab lol. during titration, after washing all the stuff, after all the careful measuring, he titrated without adding methyl orange pigment to his chemical. hahaha. laughed my ass off. XD in the end have to redo the whole titration thing. and guess what. he forgot to add pigment twice. haha. nice job man. and vicki had like, "RETEST" on her paper. big, red words. then she kept complaining about how she needed to stay back and redo the test. then after half a day, i got tired of it and told her 'retest' actually meant she took the separate test paper from the class coz she was absent. hahahahah. alot of incidents today. actually everyday. i remember after CCA today, we walk out until the bus stop then peng realise his shoebag still in school. then while he was chionging back the team stood in two rows, then started greeting people that walked past. HEH. jerian didn't play today coz he felt damn bloated. eat two sets of $5 chicken rice, go back home still eat somemore. in the end, bloat like siao. joke sia.

37 days to hamamatsu! and i want to go to LASALLE. sigh. but i know my parents will put me in a crate and send me to an african orphanage where i will get adopted by some famous celebrity. (oops) really really want to study fine arts. ugghhh. let's see what God has in store for me. :/

am going to pick up archery and fencing whoots.

can't wait can't wait.

life can't wait. heh.

2009-04-14T07:08:00.000-07:00

you know,
they often say
'follow your heart'.

when your heart leaves
the footprints in the sand,
you're supposed to go where it goes,
you're supposed to find happiness.

but
what do you do
when these footprints are corroded
by self desire, greed, uncertainty, insecurity,
the chains of vengeance,
the creeping entrails of love,
the assuring hands of friendship,
the shining promise of a career,
the hopes of others that pin you down,
and
the mighty hand of fate.

come to think of it,
following your heart
isn't as easy as it sounds,
is it?

2009-04-13T07:15:00.000-07:00

run.

hey there guys.

have just finished physics (whew). hoho.

oh and,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CYRUS!~

PSPS: cyrus got a really really bad mango today. you're like, one year older! thanks for adding humour in the class? haha. and thanks alot for help with PESA. would've suicided without your help.

today had some dance SYF preview. but i didn't go coz of math remedial. anti-climax much? kudos to the dance instructor. choreograph until so damn zai! all the dances so nice.

oh. and band got silver. know how a silver tastes like when you've been winning gold with honours consecutively? it tastes like dog shit smeared on cat shit, and then that thing got eaten by a chicken, then shitted out again..the band people really worked hard for it. maybe like, the judges put a wrong score or something. maybe they put and infinity sign but the stupid score-recorder people thought it wasn't possible and put an 8. gah.

tomorrow got english lit test. F*ck. and the best thing is, you can't prepare for the damn thing. it's on Merlion poetry. Speaking of which, the Merlion is, well, really controversial.

oh, and in case you don't know. i have a crush on someone. *gasps* yeah. sorry, all you gay guys out there. and that someone just asked me who i liked on msn. lolol. and she's a close friend. :"]

CCA tomorrow too. really cool. am now playing centre. have been super on form recently. hope this goes on. haha. yay.

ohoh, and hamamatsu. the exchange programme is 47 days away! and i'm the only one from RV going. kudos to the interview. lucky i got in. hahaha.

OH YEAH. for all the track people, like kelly, darren and the like, JIAYOU FOR THE NATIONALS. track people are like, frigging pro?! they have like, the stamina of a horse on steroids. seriously. then like, they look like the person who killed their mother is waiting at the finish line. i mean, have you seen their faces during the last stretch?! it's like "GET THE F*CKING HELL OUTTA MY WAY B*TCHES!!" lol. facial cramps?

why don't the track people stretch their faces anyway?

gah. another question to add to the long list of unanswered randomness.

well then.

toodles. (whoa. that sounded sooo gay.)

2009-04-13T00:58:00.000-07:00

i am free.

watching my life flash past me as i smile,

i am lying on a meadow,

looking on a cerulean sky speckled with cirrus,

i wonder if today will ever end.

The sun shines down on my face,

and i squint back.

the wind ruffles my hair,

and i smell the clear sweet grass.

life's a big joke. Why not smile along?